Did you get a little something extra in your stocking this past holiday season?  Like maybe an engagement ring?  Statistics show that more couples get engaged in December than in any other month.  And why not?  An engagement is the perfect holiday gift and it goes with everything.

Logic dictates that if lots of couples get engaged in December lots of engagement parties happen in January.  Which begs the question what exactly is an engagement party and do you have to have one?

An engagement party is simply a gathering so everyone can meet your intended.  It’s also the first step in getting everyone accustomed to the idea that you are now part of a couple.  This is especially important if you have relatives who A) can’t seem to let go of the notion that you’re not a child anymore or B) have trouble coming to terms with the fact that you now have a whole new extended family to consider.  You want to get started immediately on making these people understand your new future status is a reality so that there are no misunderstandings during all your upcoming wedding festivities.

That said an engagement party is not required.  Hundreds of years ago when weddings were arranged the bride’s father threw an engagement party to introduce the newly formed family alliance to the world.  But now that couples match themselves up, quite often a bride and groom’s family and friends already know each other quite well by the time the couple decides to marry.

Nevertheless, an engagement is still a great cause for celebration.  If you want to stick to tradition, someone in the bride’s family (usually her father) throws the engagement party, however, a good friend on either the bride or groom’s side is equally qualified.  Old school protocol dictates that a couple does not throw their own party, however, that rule has been smartly tossed aside in recent years and now many couples proudly throw their own engagement parties with triumphant success (and no one bats an eye).

One of the sticky wickets, however, that continually comes up with regards to engagement parties is do guests bring gifts?  The general consensus among etiquette experts today is that engagement party gifts are optional.  You will get your chance with gifts at the many showers, teas, hens parties, etc. that people will throw for you along the way, so guests are generally not expected to bring gifts to engagement parties.  Yet quite often guests are unsure of what’s required of them, so to prevent confusion many couples add no gifts please to their engagement party invitation just to be clear.

However, some guests may insist on giving you a small engagement gift, especially if it involves passing along a family heirloom to be worn at the wedding.  If this happens, politely ask your guest for permission to open their gift after the party.  If they insist you open it now do so away from the festivities so those guests who came empty-handed don’t feel bad.

Another question that comes up is whom do you invite to your engagement party?  Typically you don’t invite people you know you won’t be inviting to the wedding, unless they already know they won’t be invited for logistical reasons, such as you’re having a very small family-only ceremony or you’re running off to some place like Tahiti to get married.  On the other hand, you don’t have to invite everyone on your wedding guest list, either, especially those who live out-of-town.  Keep in mind the reason for the engagement party is to introduce yourself as a couple, so invite future wedding guests who might want to get to know your intended better before all the wedding festivities start.

And finally, couples often don’t know what kind of engagement party to have.  For example, should it be a cocktail party, dinner party, restaurant-hosted, themed, what?  This simple answer is now days anything goes.  If you want to have drinks and hors d’oeuvres at your parents’ house, that’s fine.  On the other hand, if you want to throw a private dinner party in the backroom of your favourite restaurant, that’s equally appropriate.  One couple in the U.S. had their engagement party at a bowling alley (complete with bowling for all guests) because they met through their bowling league.

No matter what you decide, take comfort in knowing that if you choose not to have an engagement party, there are still many other festivities to look forward to.  And if you do decide to have one, it can be one of the most stress free get-togethers associated with your wedding – one where you can sit back, relax and have an engagingly good time.